Quilts and Queers

Apr 18

princekilljoy:

the-animation-alchemist:

white people are not the bad guys

Christian people are not the bad guys

Republicans are not the bad guys

straight people are not the bad guys

cisgender people are not the bad guys

rich people are not the bad guys

men are not the bad guys

racist, bigoted, homophobic, ignorant, selfish, and / or rude people are the bad guys

dear social justice bloggers

This is really one of my biggest pet peeves on this site.

*sigh*

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” (Edmund Burke)

tl;dr WE KNOW YOU’RE NOT THE FUCKING BAD GUYS BUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS FUCKING HOLY PLEASE GIVE US SPACE TO RANT ABOUT A SOCIETY THAT IS SYSTEMATICALLY KILLING US OFF. PLEASE.

I have come across a whole lot of “allies” complaining about how all (able bodied, cisgender, white, straight) are not like that. I wanted to create a reality check for all of those people who don’t understand the anger coming from people who are oppressed, in addition to a checklist of things to keep in mind when trying to check your privilege. This is probably a bit 101, and I’ve synthesized it both from my own personal experience and from listening to other people who belong to different minorities. All errors, however, are my own.

The first thing to keep in mind, and one of the most important, is that you will ALWAYS have power. ALWAYS. The things that trans* people, disabled people, black people, gay people, and women say will ALWAYS have less of an impact than those said by those who are white, straight, cisgender, and male. That power exists in every space you visit, everywhere you go, and in absolutely every conversation you have. This is of course an unfair situation, and it can be difficult to keep track of all of the nuances of a specific oppression.
This brings us to rule number two. You are going to mess up. You are going to make mistakes, say things that reinforce different oppressions, whether inadvertently or on purpose. That’s okay. It’s not a perfect situation, but nothing is perfect. Mistakes happen all of the time. The problem is not the fact that you are going to mess up and make mistakes, the problem is what you do when they occur. If you mess up, apologize. If you don’t apologize, you become part of the problem. After you apologize, change your behavior. If you have to be reminded to change your behavior more than once or twice, you become part of the problem. Apologize, mean it, and change, that’s all there is to it to fixing your mistakes. There is no point in denying the fact that you said or did something oppressive, no one is trying to get you in trouble. No one is accusing you of being a terrible person; no one is accusing you of ANYTHING except a specific behavior that should be easy enough to change. Call outs are not personal attacks. They are designed to inform people who don’t know better that their actions are contributing to the oppression of a minority.

This is a lovely segue to rule number three. If it’s not about you DON’T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU. I am going to go ahead and say this again. IF THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU THEN DON’T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU. This is the most important rule. You are going to encounter trans* people, people of color, disabled people, queer people, and women ranting about how much (insert oppressor here) suck. And if you don’t suck, then clearly the post is not about you. YES, we know that not all (insert oppressor here) are like that. We live with them, work with them, have families made up with those people and have hundreds and thousands of interactions with people who have the power to oppress who are not complete and total douche bags. You don’t need to tell us. What you need to tell yourself is that if you are an ally (and I mean really an ally, allies don’t get to determine if they are allies or not) is that you don’t count. Taking steps to decolonize your mind and break down systems of oppression removes you from the suck list. It is the difference between an individual person who is white and the oppressive force of Whiteness. Keep your identity separate from those rants and that anger, because after all IF IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU DON’T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU. This also means that talking about how much it hurts your feelings to be lumped in with a group of people COMPLETELY derails important conversations about activism and suddenly makes it about your hurt fee fees. This wastes a whole bunch of time on behalf of everyone and keeps important conversations from getting off the ground, and boots you from the ally camp.

Going back to rule number one, sympathize and don’t empathize. Because you, as a person who is an oppressor in your constant state of power, are never, EVER going to understand the volume of the oppression. No matter what you go through, no matter how difficult your life is, you’re never going to get it. And that’s fine. We understand that you’re never, ever going to get it. But don’t tell us you know exactly how you feel. On an intellectual level, you can understand what we’re going through, but you’re never going to experience it.

Finally, you don’t get to decide the way that a movement against oppression works. It is not the job of minorities to come on bended knee and beg for rights. Rights are supposed to be inalienable, permanent, there regardless of conditions. When this is not the case, it is not a matter of begging, pleading, becoming a pet to the oppressor in order to attempt to change. It is a matter of hard work, legislative action, and educating people. It is a monumental struggle every day, trying to shift and change the way that people view members of minority communities. But here is the reality, and the kicker. No allies are better than crappy allies. Get all the way on board with the way that we are doing things, or get off. It’s that simple.

Reblogged 1 month ago from notjustabook

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63,337 notes

writing, social justice, oppression,

Mar 18

Privilege is like a knife

quiltingqueer:

It can be a tool. It can be a weapon. It gives power. You’re probably going to be at least somewhat scared of the person who carries around a big ass knife until you figure out if they are an okay person or not. And it isn’t their fault that they have this big ass knife, but they still have it. And that still makes them scary until they prove themselves.

Reblogged 2 months ago from tithenai

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663 notes

privilege, oppression, social justice,

Mar 10

I need feminism

because I shouldn’t have to justify supporting equal rights.

Posted 2 months ago

Comments

4 notes

feminism, oppression, kyriarchy,

Dec 17

goldenheartedrose:

So since draggle–Ella is getting asks and borderline hate, including one specific one that painted me as a bad autistic because I don’t coddle self proclaimed “allies “, I thought I would take a moment to address what people think of me.

First of all, let me say that I think the reason other people are pointing fingers at me in other people’s inboxes is because I’ve turned anon off. Believe it or not, I didn’t do that because of autism-related hatred I received. Well, not directly, anyhow. It was fandom-related, and after receiving several threats on anon, I knew the best thing was that if someone was harassing me, I’d at least like to know who they are to some extent. If they can do it on anon, they must be brave enough to do so under their own name (pseudonymn or not).

I am not a perfect person. I do not have the mental energy to always eloquently respond to some of the absolute atrocious statements that are made in the autism tag. I am harsh. I know that. I can come across as rude or yelling. Guess what? This is how I come across in meatspace, too! I’m often told to “stop yelling” when I wasn’t intending to yell (and it seems that only NT/allistic people perceive me that way; the autistic people in my life tend to not think I’m all that loud or blunt).

I cannot sit back and see erroneous statements in the autism tag and not say something. Do I address all of them? No, of course not. But I do address the ones that I can, and sometimes, I’m not very nice about it. I don’t think that’s a fault, because I feel no reason to coddle or protect your feelings when you’re denying my humanity or the humanity of people like me. You’re denying the rights of people like me — the right to privacy, the right to a proper education, the right to not be bullied or abused, the right to be seen as fully human.

I’m sorry if you don’t like it. Your snark and complaints of me hurting your feelings because you didn’t like what I had to say doesn’t mean I’m going to stop.

My hope one day? Is that the actuallyautistic tag isn’t needed as much, or at the very least, the autism tag is used by mostly autistics with a few allistics who talk about their autistic family members and friends without infantilizing them, without talking about them as though they’re burdens, without comparing autism to cancer, and also without using them as inspiration porn (aka, “zomg! Soooo inspirational! An autistic person did SOMETHING!”). Talk about them as though they are people because they ARE. Verbal communication or not, ability to bathe independently or not, autistic people deserve to be treated with respect. JUST like you do.

I want a better world for me, and for my kids. Is that so much to ask?

BEAUTIFUL. Bolded for the parts I relate to.

Reblogged 5 months ago from goldenheartedrose

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12 notes

autism, actuallyautistic, mental health, disability, kyriarchy, oppression,

Dec 10

Every Monday, in thousands of language and language arts classes, children are given a list of 20 vocabulary words … If you show the list of 20 words to a child who has read, who grew up with books, he probably knows 15 or 16 of the words already. He has seen them before, in Choose Your Own Adventure, Harry Potter, and Batman Returns. If he studies, he gets an A. If he doesn’t study, he gets a B. If you show the list of 20 words to a child who did not grow up with books, the situation is very different. He may know five or six of the words. If he studies, with a heroic effort, he might get a D+.

On the value of libraries, and reading, and a million other things I love. A++. (via sarahbethlibrarian)

A great Backtalk piece from Brian Samek online at Library Journal.

(via libraryjournal)

This is why underprivileged kids can work so hard - kids who don’t have easy access to public libraries and funds for personal books, whose parents don’t have the resources to devote to their educational development outside of school - and still find that they’re not keeping up. It’s more than just effort - it’s being lucky enough to have access to these things, lucky enough to have caregivers who can somehow get you access to these things.

For all that our public figures talk about “the children,” there’s not enough public effort to make sure that children can get the rich exposure to books & culture that’s so necessary for their success. And we wonder why there are achievement gaps.

(via ave-atque-vale)

Reblogged 5 months ago from goldenheartedrose

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475 notes

libraries, libraries are fucking important, education, reading, resources, oppression,

Dec 8

Quilts and Queers: vaguely-sad-phrase-goes-here: quiltingqueer: Invalid critiques of...

vaguely-sad-phrase-goes-here:

quiltingqueer:

vaguely-sad-phrase-goes-here:

vaguely-sad-phrase-goes-here:

quiltingqueer:

Invalid critiques of feminism:

BUT WHAT ABOUT TEH MENS.

Women belong in the kitchen.

Anything that defies reality and facts, including I don’t see gender/ we live in a world without sexism.

Valid critiques of feminism:

Tends to be…

It is very easy for a vocal minority to ruin the perception of a group.

Right… Because the fact that patriarchy likes itself and wants people to think that feminists are full of shit doesn’t have anything to do with it.

Now you’re blaming all your problems on patriarchy. If this ‘patriarchy’ was as bad as you thought it was, the women’s rights movements in the early 1900s would not have happened.

Okay, first of all… Let’s just go through a quick history of women’s rights.

Back when the constitution was first being drafted, Abigail Adams actually asked John Adams to include rights for women in it. This was back in the 1780s. Then not a whole lot happened until the civil war. During the civil war, women were allowed to be nurses for the first time. Women also took over doing much of the business that men typically did during war. This allowed for a leap forward for the women’s rights movement.

It stalled out after the war ended, there was the whole slavery thing to fix and sort out and get rid of and all that good stuff. Then nothing major happened until the 1910s-1920s. There was this great group of women who got together and campaigned to give women the vote, which happened with the ratification of the 19th amendment. Lots of wealthier women with nothing to do during this time also started the first community garbage collection, orphanages, and all kinds of other fun doodads that make life better for all of us.

Again, not a whole lot happened until the 1940s. War again, this time. Women were encouraged to join riveting squads. My great-grandmother actually worked on one. But again, not a whole lot happened afterwards, the women went quietly back to their jobs and that was that. Then the 1960s happened. This is when rape started to become a crime, when women started to push more for equal work for equal pay as well as sexual liberation. Not a whole lot more happened until the 1980s, when the Equal Rights Amendment, which would have made it illegal to discriminate in any fashion based on gender, was eventually struck down. Phyllis Schlafly sucks, by the way.

There’s this myth that movements come together quickly, that some sort of magic happens, and then poof. But the reality is that women were campaigning for the better part of a century in order to be able to vote, let alone be able to work and get paid for it. It was a movement that took a whole lot of blood, sweat, and tears. It’s not something that was magically or anything, it was damn near a war, admittedly with words instead of bullets.

But now that that rant is over.

Let’s talk about the patriarchy, and why it’s bad.

1. Women are extremely sexualized in advertising. Women are portrayed as objects, used to hawk beer.

2. Women are portrayed in most media as being less intelligent than men. This has been slowly improving over time, but The Big Bang Theory is one rather good example of how that works.

3. Women are still often used as only plot devices in movies. They aren’t often given leading roles in television or movies, and very little is based around them.

4. Nobody has to prove that they’ve had something stolen, but women have to prove that they’ve been raped. Her word isn’t good enough, she has to prove it and if she’s ever slept around then she might be out of luck.

5. Women’s bodies are highly regulated by the government. Birth control pills still require a full pelvic exam in order to get a prescription. Getting an abortion and getting an abortion funded is extremely difficult, and heaven forbid we let women make choices about their own bodies. That would be silly.

6. Women make 77 cents per dollar that men do. And it’s not because they’re not asking for raises, because they are. And it’s not that they’re not good at their jobs, because they are. It’s that we have been ingrained since birth to believe that women are some how lesser, or inferior.

7. Women who are forced to look at themselves in bathing suits before taking a math test do worse on average than those who look at themselves in a sweater. Men do not have the same discrepancy.

8. Women are expected to look pretty at all times, be flattered by cat calls and rape threats, give sex whenever despite the fact that they’re not supposed to experience sexual desire or want orgasms for themselves.

All of these things are part of the patriarchy, and all of these things are things that women have been fighting to fix for centuries. Again, equality movements don’t magically pop up over night, they’re born out of blood, sweat, tears and hard work. Protests, arrests, events, campaigning. All of it.

And just for the record? I don’t blame my problems on the patriarchy. I get to live a pretty cushy life under the patriarchy, because I’m a man, and that’s how that works. I trade away my right to have emotions for my physical safety, for my ability to go out after dark without fear, for my ability to participate in nerd culture without being seen as a fake, for my ability to have people on television and in the movies who actually look kind of like me.

Not a bad bargain, but I’d really rather that women be afforded the same considerations.

Reblogged 5 months ago from vaguely-sad-phrase-goes-here-de

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28 notes

feminism, women's rights, activism, kyriarchy, oppression, voting,

Dec 8

All you see now are the social justice warriors. Claiming feminism and equality while hating on white cis males as if all who belong to that group are responsible for the oppression of the world (looking at it objectively, white males don't even commit the most crime, even more true for violent crimes). But the radfems who hate men also speak the loudest. Becoming the face of modern feminism. People like Sheema Kalbasi are ignored while the Anita Sarkeesian's become the face of the movement. Sad

Anonymous

AH HA HA HA.

Okay. White cis males might be the least CONVICTED people but that’s just because our society is racist as hell. I don’t have the stats on me but I’m going to tell you right now that white men get way, way shorter sentences for their crimes than men of color.

I can also tell you that a woman who kills her husband in self defense because he is beating her or her children will likely serve a longer sentence than a man who kills his wife because he is jealous.

I hate men. Which is complicated, because I am one. But I hate men and I don’t trust them until they prove that they are worthy of my trust and my love. I hate men, white men in particular, because there is nothing about them that causes them to question the structure and oppressions of society. I hate them because most of them don’t want to take the time to learn to not be assholes.

So again. Women hating men is not a valid critique of feminism. Radfems being against trans women is.

Posted 5 months ago

Comments

4 notes

feminism, kyriarchy, I'm so proud I got my first anon, oppression,

Aug 26

The “What about me” people and why they need a swift kick in the eye

genderbitch:

Sometimes we just gotta vent. Privileged people can do some really horrible shit and that pain has gotta go somewhere. It almost always happens, tho, that some dipshit, all well meaning and filled to the brim with good intentions (aka hell roadway bricks) notices that venting and decides one of several things:

A: I SHOULD COMFORT THIS PERSON WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT PEOPLE OF MY KIND DON’T ALL SUCK SO THAT THEY CAN FEEL GOOD OR SOMETHING

B: BUT I DO ALL THIS AWESOME STUFF, WHY AM I NOT THE CENTER OF YOUR UNIVERSE

C: I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE TITLE OF “ACCURACY POLICE” AND ALSO CAN’T FUCKING COMPREHEND ANYTHING I READ

D: ALL OF THE ABOVE, PLUS I’M A DICK

So they saunter over, their loins lubed with privilege and thrust their fuckery soaked genitals in our direction, spraying unneeded opinion jizz every which way. Stains all over the carpet. Nasty shit.

Even normally decent folks fuck up on this at times. So in case it hasn’t sunk in yet, let me try to reach you with some wisdom.

~A~

THE “I’M A BEACON OF REASSURANCE” PEOPLE

You are not comforting. No shut up, fuck you. Oh goody, one fucking person out of the ravenous hordes of horrid piles of hateful crap is decent sometimes. Wow. I guess everything is just fucking peachy now. Let me go dance naked in the rain, all my cares erased for all time cuz your well intentioned ass came around to tell me that one person occasionally has my back.

Have you noticed the urge to say FWIW right before you spout off your crap? “For what it’s worth?” Nothing. It’s worth nothing. Cuz one person isn’t much. And by diverting the attentions of the oppressed person, using your privilege to intrude into some venting for the sake of mental health, YOU’RE NOT ACTUALLY THAT DECENT PERSON YOU CLAIM TO BE.

Shock and awe. So not only is it not comforting, it’s not even true.

~B~

ME ME ME ME ME ME MEMEMEMEMEMEME PEOPLE

It’s not about you, it will never be about you, your level of unimportance is overwhelming, your entitlement has never been justified, no one cares, shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down and stop.

~C~

“WELL I JUST THOUGHT I WOULD TRY TO TEACH YOU ABOUT STATISTICS EVEN THO I DON’T KNOW SHIT…” PEOPLE

I hate you.

All of you.

More than a statistical significant number. Every single one of you.

Now you see, that’s a blanket statement about an entire group. And even if someone in their venting does make a blanket statement about your entire privileged group of people, ASK YOURSELF HOW RELEVANT YOUR ACCURACY POLICE BULLSHIT IS AT THAT MOMENT and whether you’re actually offering any evidence contrary to what they’re saying with your ugly facehole spouting this useless entitled emotionally distant nonsense while someone’s hurting.

Do you walk up to your friends when they’re hurting bad and they go, “everything’s so fucked up right now” and you open your face and say, “well actually, there are quite a few things that aren’t fucked up right now and I’m sure if you acknowledged the good things in your life you’d realize that your statement isn’t entirely accurate…”

No? Not ever? Cuz you know if you did, BOOM PUNCHED IN THE FUCKING THROAT. Also FRIENDSHIP LOST. FOREVER.

You’d deserve it too. Who the fuck blathers on about statistics and the proper way to refer to a portion of a group to account for outliers when someone is venting shit loads of pain about something that has either happened recently or for which old wounds just got sliced open for? An emotionally dead, soulless, entitled, self obsessed prick that’s who.

It’s even worse when these shits get offended about this “horribly offensive stereotype”. Wow, if the worst that happens to you is that some oppressed people venting occasionally leads to the rare few of your kind that are decent and not total crap and would never interrupt that venting with any of this shit and you are personally offended by that “erasure” then you really just need to shut the fuck up forever around any and all people you have even the slightest privilege over.

~D~

I’M A DICK

Die in a fire. Just do it. Make the world a better place, etc.

CONCLUSIONS:

I dunno, stop being entitled douchebarges. When someone’s venting about things that come out of their oppression, if you can’t offer hugs and comfort that doesn’t center your ass (either cuz you don’t know them and it’d be creepy or cuz you’re one of the ridic fucks mentioned above) just keep your mouth in the shut the fuck up position.

Excellent post is excellent.

Reblogged 9 months ago from anarcha-avery

Comments

60 notes

oppression, kyriarchy,

Aug 10

I’m just gonna leave this here, because it’s awesome.

Posted 9 months ago

Comments

3 notes

strong female characters, feminism, kyriarchy, oppression, Joss Wheadon,

Jul 15

TW Rape: fuck people who think they have unlimited access to survivors

femmesandfamily:

fuck people who think they get to tell us when/where/how to talk about rape

fuck people who think they know anything about me from those experiences of sexual assault

fuck the people who tell me “I know what’s like, my sister/brother/friend was raped”

fuck fake ass allies who say NOTHING when rape culture is convenient for them

fuck friendzones and guilt

fuck every fucking person who has ever laughed at a rape joke

and finally, fuck people who tell me to ‘stop being so sensitive about rape, it happened over a year ago, it wasn’t that bad’

I hate you, and you are directly responsible for rape culture

Reblogged 10 months ago from lionheartedgrrrl

Comments

113 notes

kyriarchy, feminism, oppression, rape culture,